Teacher Journals #3

“The Dangers of Procrastination”

One of my biggest downfalls has been procrastination this year. There is always time to do it later. There is always time to do it next weekend. There is always time to start it later. However that time has never actually been there because the problem with procrastinating is that something usually comes up in that magical “later”. Then your relaxing weekend turns into a stressful Sunday night.

The problem is balancing my classroom needs with my master’s class work. I can find the time for one, but not for both. I have been trying to do both this entire semester and that has resulted in me having little time for a social life. If I do anything social or if I take time to relax during and evening or over night, I feel like I am being irresponsible. I feel like I am taking time away from my students and my classmates.

Now it is coming down to the end of my semester. I have five projects due and other tiny assignments due such as journal entries and reading reflections. I have had two IEPs to complete. I need to create new data sheets for the new goals that have been created. I have the next two weeks and Thanksgiving break to get them all done. At least to try and get everything done.

I do not like that I cannot spend time with my friends and family as often as I would like to. I do not go to the movies that often. I cannot keep up with what is going on in my favorite comic books. I feel so guilty every time I do see my friends. They always ask where I’ve been and what I’ve been doing. The only thing that I have to say to them is “Just work and class.” Then they usually say that they miss me and that we need to hang out more, and I sheepishly agree knowing that most likely some assignment will come up or I will just succumb to pressure to work.

It may seem unfair to an individual to have to sacrifice so much of the personal sector of their life, but I think it has to be understood as part of the responsibility of teaching. I have seven students that I have to plan for an entire day’s worth of work. I have to individualize every lesson because all of my students learn in different ways. They all have various abilities and various goals that I need to work on. I am also a special education teacher, so on top of the academic needs of my students, I am also looking towards the future. My students are going to need every advantage possible given to them to increase the likelihood that they can function in society after they graduate high school. My belief is that those skills need to be taught beginning in middle school, not began in high school.

So part of the stress I feel this first year of teaching is self-induced. It comes from putting off what could be done now until “later”. It comes also from really wanting to connect to my students. It comes from wanting to tap that potential that heretofore has not been tapped by any educator or related service provider. I know that in the future this lesson will be well taken. I will keep my nose to the grindstone when needed, relax when it is appropriate, and accept the life I have chosen as a teacher. I love teaching, I know it is what I want to do for the rest of my life, I just did not know that it would be so much work.