Styrofoam Plates...

I recently took a shower...

I was listening to Death Cab for Cutie (DCFC for you scenesters), and specifically to their song "Styrofoam Plates". An angry song condemning the shortcomings/complete absence of a father in a families'/children's lives.

I use to get so angry when I would listen to that song because I more or less grew up without a father. Having a stepfather from 2 - 13, and knowing since 5 years of age that he was not my real father and he making that clear everytime he doled out a punishment, he was what I had, but that was not much.

While listening to this song, it just triggered that old angst I had and I was pissed and having this internal rant, but like most people that rant, if you let that rant simmer, you will see the other side of the story or a hole in your logic and if you are blessed, you might even be gifted some compassion for your rant's target. So my angst subsided.

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My father like the song says, was "a donor of seed to a poor single mother". Luckily, I never had to eat holiday dinners at shelters. My stepdad was just a weak man who fell to the temptations of the flesh many times when he was legally married (my mother and stepfather were only ever common-law married) to my mother.

My mom did nothing wrong besides having impeccable taste for bad men. Hell, we are all just looking for love, and every once in a while we catch ourselves finding it in a very bad place and time. It was not her fault that my biological father liked sex more than he loved my mom, and when he heard the consequences of sex, then he dumped her like a bad fling. My mother was not too blame for my stepfather's affairs, even though she did blame herself (like most women who get mistreated by men), she found a way to place the blame on herself.

She did the best that she could. Can anybody reading this imagine what it would be like to raise four boys alone? Well with the help of your extended family, but still...

Ever notice how there are not a lot of "fuck you mom, you messed me up" songs? Excluding Eminem's music.

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Now some people can lead messed up lives and have amazing parents. I know my friends have siblings that are wild or have made poor decisions in the face of having amazing parents. I do not understand that. However, it just goes to show you that the problems of the world have no simple-neat-tiny little box answers.

Ahh, the responsibilty of parenting...ain't it grand...
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"Now I'm a grown man, with a child of my own, and I swear I'm not gonna let 'em know all the pain I have known." - Everclear, "Father of Mine", the best angry child song of all time