"And they shall call HIM..."

I have been wanting to write this blog post for awhile. I thought I might throw Zach a bone and give grief to the rest of our friends. You see Zach is not the only one of us that has some nicknames.

AND SO IT BEGINS...

• Myself:
• Reindeer Games - These names are from my uncles who use to play these games with all the nieces and nephews (mostly the nephews) that provided them with laughter and usually caused us pain or upset stomachs, but they were fun nonetheless. I would not change that about my childhood for anything.
• Cyclops - this name comes from the 90s X-Men series. My uncles were pretty big comic book fans growing up. This X-Men series came out adapting some of the best known comic book storylines, with art that closely resembled what Jim Lee was doing in the X-books -- what's not to love. So I guess their thinking was let's give our nephews and nieces nick names. I got "Cyclops" because he is the leader of the X-Men and I am  the oldest of the grandchildren.
• T-Bone Pickens - My Uncle Terry Pat gave me this nickname, a take on the oil tycoon T. Boone Pickens' name. As in slim pickings, not a lot there,...I WAS really skinny like skeletony as a teen, so one day he called me T-Bone Pickens, saying I looked like the little scraps of meet on a T-bone steak after it has been eaten.
• T-Bone - I guess my uncles just thought it sounded cool.
• Big Dog - my uncles game me and my cousins names that sounded like we were gangstas or mafia henchmen or just common thugs...not really sure. Some of the other names from this group of names were Top Dollar, Little Dog, and Genius (the brains of the operation I guess).
• Just like X-Men there were other cartoons that we garnered nicknames from, mine were Bandit from "Jonny Quest" and Shaggy from "Scooby-Doo"
• Woodlands - I use to be so thin that you could see my ribs, even through my t-shirts. My uncles use to say that when I sucked in I looked like a greyhound race dog at the Woodlands. They use to say, "Hey Tony, do Woodlands.", and I would lift up my t-shirt and suck in. My grandma hated and my uncles would laugh their asses off.
• Blue House Boys: The best friends a guy could have. They have given me nicknames mainly around my name, but some as you will see around my behavior/appearance/party trick talents.
• Ant (Dean) - My name is Antonio.
• Antillioon (Greg) - This is a nickname similar to one that Billy Brame had.
• Tone (Dean/Zach) - A shortened version of Antonio/Tony
• Tone Bone (Dean/Zach) - Tony + I'm skinny.
• Mowgli (Zach) - If you have ever seen me in shorts with no shirt on hopping around outside or on living room furniture, you would know why I got nicknamed after the wild boy raised by wolves in Kiplings classic.
• Gollum (Zach) - I do a pretty good impression, but in just my shorts and how skinny I was in college, I look like the malnourished deviant...below the neck.
• Gazelle (Zach) - Part of the reason why the Songs of Solomon passage was inside-joke funny at my wedding for the guys. I am fast. If you have ever seen me run, particularly fueled by fear, it is as close to beautiful as I get.
• Maniac (Greg/Zach/Abe) - I play with no strategy during poker. Sometimes I win a hand, but more often than not, I lose.
• Drogemeister (myself) - this is actually a misnomer. For a long time I believed that my German family's original name before it was changed to sound more American, was Drogemeister. It is actually Drogemueller, which relates to my ancestors original profession as druggists/pharmacists.
• Dean:
• Dean-o (his mom): Just one of those cute nicknames your mom can give you.
• Doink (Greg): Greg loves wrestling, especially in the gimmicky nineties era of the former WWF. So Dean got the nickname of Doink after Doink the Clown.
• Cabela's (Myself) - He has been wearing a red plaid coat during these winter months. I think it reminds me of the archetypal picture of a hunter, and he does hunt pheasants and turkeys, so it fits.
• Greg:
• Guru (Dean/Abe): When the boys lived in the Pink House (White outside/Pink Interior paint in living room), Greg (single, not known for dating) was given the nickname "The Relationship Guru", which later became "Guru". The situational irony of this nickname does not escape me. The two men who gave him this nickname were chick magnets, women fell at their feet, and they turned to the single guy for relationship advice. But his most endearing name of all time, still in use by all who know and love him.
• Cocoon (Abe/Adam): Greg use to walk around the Pink House with his blanket wrapped around his body, and he bore a resemblance to a caterpillar in its cocoon.
• CoCrap (Abe): During the 2003-2004 Inaugural Year of the Blue House, Abe was antagonistic to Greg for some reason, and this name arose. A variant of the name "Cocoon". This nickname was also shortened to just "Crap" when Abe was feeling especially impish.
• Gerald Lafollye (Don Chaffer): Greg ran into Don after a concert and Don thought this was Greg's name (Greg LaFollette).
• Abe:
• A-he (Greg?): I have no idea where this nickname came from, I just know that Greg uses it the most. Sometimes it is changed to "Gay-he".
• Gabe Potter (Abe): He always wanted to be Joel Potter's little brother.
• Genistar: (?-Abe): Who the hell knows.
• Metro (myself): Abe is insanely well-dressed and always has his hair perfectly coifed in some Ryan Seacrest-esque style. This name was born out of jealousy and because Abe had a book on Metrosexual lifestyle.
• Adam:
• Ad (Everybody): A shortened form of his name.
• AdRoc (Ben): Adam knows how to play a guitar. In college he use to really rock out Jackson Browne and worship songs.
• Socrates (Myself): Whenever I want to goad Adam I call him Socrates or the name of some other well known Western Philosopher. He was a philosphy major, get it?
• Ben:
• Ben Defus (?) - His name is Ben Deaver. This is just a funny manipulation of his name.
• Deavious (Greg/Adam) - Ben had the tendency to be impish in college. This earned him this nickname.
• Sweettooth (?) - Ben had a really bad sweet tooth in college. The nickname spawned two viral movies about a creepy demon who killed people and bore the same name.
• Jake:
• Jake the Snake (Greg/Myself): Greg and I love wrestling. So one of us gave Jake this name in high school and it stuck and would later be a basis for all future nicknames.
• Snake (?): Shortened version of Jake the Snake, came into usage during college I believe.
• "Snake Songs" (Abe/Zach): This is not a nickname, but a tradition. A movement. That I hate and hated. I never sang a "Snake Song". But almost everybody else did, except maybe Adam. Basically, you substitute "snake" for a word (a noun or pronoun usually) and sing said song. Sometimes you would change additional words to make it fit its new subject: Snake. I think only Jenny Behrens hates them as much as me.
• Ex. of lyrics from the most popular "Snake Song" of all time: Mr. Brightside
• "Cuz Snake's Mr. Brightside."
• Another example:
• "But Snake you're all right -- you wear my ring, When you hold me tight --Snake that's my thing, When you turn out the light -- I've got to hand it to me, Looks like it's me and you tonight Snake..."
• Joik (?): Weird variant of Jake.
• Snoik (Greg/Dean): This is a variant of Snake. Goofy sounding and fun to say. If not for the existence of this name, I do not think Dean's nickname "Doink" would have come into existence, because they were birthed near the same time.
• Scott Slade:
• Slade (Abe): It's just his last name, but this is how Abe introduced him to all of us, so it has endured the test of time. Only a little strange when he is around family and his wife, but they understand (weird because there are a lot of Slade's, but we are only talking to one, but any of them could naturally think we were speaking to them...duh).
• Slade the Dragon (Myself): I was fascinated by the name Slade so I came up with this shortlived nickname.
• Slip'n Slade (Myself): Another shortlived nickname from the era of first meeting Slade.
• Brawny (Myself): Slade got this nickname because he has a beard and wears red plaid, at least he did at my bachelor party.
• Old Man Slade (Adam): Adam use to always say that Slade's disposition is exactly how he will be when he's 50 or 60, and he will be his neighborhood's old man who sits on his porch and watches the neighborhood and makes sure kids stay off his lawn.

So there is my thrown bone for Zach. Now we can all be teased a little bit too.


EMAW.