The Grey Havens...(a meandering blog post...)

(post originally started on January 11th)
So today I went to a Memorial Service with Lynette for one of her Sorority sisters named Amylee Tyler from Olathe North who died of breast cancer. That is the second person in sixth months that Lynette has known that has died of breast cancer. I am starting to become, for lack of a more expressive word, deathly afraid of cancer.

This one was a little more haunting than Sherrie's death for me. Sherrie's body was overrun by various forms of cancer, breast and ovarian being the main harbingers of death. Amylee just looked thinner and dull, like vitality had been slowly drained out of her.

Really, the two deaths are eerily similar. Both women leave behind a husband and kids. Amylee has a young son, and Sherrie left behind two children.

The haunting thing was that Amylee was 30. Lynette's age. That really disturbed me. It meant you don't have to be REAL old to die.

I mean, practically on the eve of marriage, it is disheartening to imagine that she could be taken away in the blink of an eye. Because it would seem that you cannot really beat cancer (even if it goes away, into remission, cut all the tumors out...once you've had it there is always the danger it could come back). Once it invades the temple of your body, it roams the corridors and chambers of your animated corpse redecorating the walls and makes itself at home, an unwelcome guest that will never depart.

Then I started to think about my Uncle Brad during the funeral. ther first death that really shook me at my core. He died in December 2004. It just happened that was the same month that The Return of the King came out on DVD.

If you know me the Lord of the Rings is kind of a big deal. I would say the second best trilogy in film after the original Star Wars trilogy. SO good, on SO many levels.

Towards the end of the movie, you get introduced to Tolkien's explanation of what happened to the mystical elves of Middle Earth who retired to the Grey Havens, a serene and magically hidden sanctuary for Elves and a few guest they deemed worthwhile of coming. Basically a fantasy version of Heaven, you go there and live forever never to struggle or grow older. In the closing credits is this hauntingly beautiful song written by Fran Walsh, Howard Shore, and Annie Lennox. Annie Lennox (from the Eurythmics, just in case you do NOT know your pop music) sings the song.

So this hopeful image of death and afterlife was in my heart and head at the time of my uncle's death, thanks to this song and the brief scene from the movie. And the images come to me everytime Death pays a visit.

(Last year, Lynette and I went to a Lord of the Rings symphony and a woman performed the song and it brought me to tears because of all the sentiments I have attached to it.)

Because he does take our hand when we don't want him to. He does creep to our beds, pull back his hood to reveal his grim-toothed smile and usher us into a new part of life's journey. He does come when we still have wives and husbands to love. He does come when we still have children to raise. He does come...and he comes for us all.

(A little trivia, in comics Death, is portrayed as a lady. The god Thanos wants to marry her personification in Marvel comics in the 80s and there was a Lady Death comic in the 90s by Brian Pulido at Chaos! Comics
but I like the male personfication better.)

So I started to sing that song in my head. Thinking about the unbearable grief that must be coming over her family and friends. Listening to her friends tell about their best memories. Seeing her toddler son run to the table overrunning with a plethora of pictures of her, picking one or two up and running back to his father. I was just overcome with this empathy for her closest loved ones. And at a loss of how to channel it or where to direct it, I just started singing that song in my head whilst trying to imagine what I would do in Amylee's husband's position.

I could only imagine.


*If you listen to this song, when she breaks into that crescendo on the chorus...you should be close to tears if you have a heart. That crescendo gets to me everytime...


"Into the West"

Lay down,

your sweet and weary head.
Night is falling.


You have come to journey’s end.
Sleep now, and dream

of the ones who came before.
They are calling,
from across a distant shore.

Why do you weep?
What are these tears upon your face?
Soon you will see.
All of your fears will pass away.
Safe in my arms,
you’re only sleeping.

What can you see,
on the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea,
a pale moon rises.
The ships have come,
to carry you home.

And all will turn,
to silver glass.
A light on the water.
All souls pass.

Hope fades,
Into the world of night.
Through shadows falling,
Out of memory and time.

Don’t say,
We have come now to the end.
White shores are calling.
You and I will meet again.
And you’ll be here in my arms,
Just sleeping.


What can you see,
on the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea,
a pale moon rises.
The ships have come,
to carry you home.

And all will turn,
to silver glass.
A light on the water.
Grey ships pass
Into the West.