How's Your Throat Dean?

Back in April (I know I am late with this entry…some of you may have given up hope of its appearance…) I went on a Christ Church Men’s retreat. I had/have been neglecting God (and most of my relationships) this school year. I have nothing to show for it but a lack of understanding of what is going on in the lives of my friends and they mine. If God was not omnipresent and omniscient He wouldn’t have much of an idea about my life either. I would not have told Him anything that is for sure.

Between being a first year teacher, my graduate classes and trying to maintain a new relationship, I did not have much time to dedicate to other things. I did not have enough time to dedicate to those things. I made little or no time to dedicate to myself and my sanity or soul. The fact that I have a job, passed classes, and STILL have a girlfriend, I owe in large parts to her. She helped me grade lots of papers. She did SEVERAL assignments for me because I waited to the last minute to do anything. She held us together as I abdicated my male leadership role in the relationship and did everything I could to undermine my own happiness.

I do not know what she or any human sees in me. I do not know where God sees himself in me. Somehow though, despite my best efforts I am surrounded by people that love me. It amazes me.

So my best friend Dean asked me to go on this Men’s Retreat and I went. I marked it on my calendar. I went. I made no excused why I could not go. I needed to go have a meeting with God and hear Him say whatever He would have me hear.

That message was: I am ready when you are ready.

So the retreat was a retreat for men lead by men. Laymen. Nobody but Dean was a member of church staff.

But I digress…

Common men gave all the talks. I liked that. So we get there on a Friday night and a simple little situation reminded me of one of the things that attracted me to the Church (God’s people…Christ Followers…Christians…The Body of Christ…not the buildings we sit in on Sundays) – and that was the genuine care to details in the lives of people we know and love in the Church. Dean had told this prayer group that met to pray over the retreat and that God would work in all those attending the retreat, that he a sore throat due to swollen glands. So no kidding, I would say within that first night, nearly every man there that was not a guest, had asked Dean, “How’s your throat Dean?” It became an inside joke to him and I as after every guy would ask him, I’d look at him and shake my head or laugh silently or smile. It was this feeling that people cared about me and how I was doing that made me like going to church (the building sessions on Sundays) in the beginning.

There were five men that talked. All of their stories showed pictures of broken men, some that were hurt and some that did the hurting. Some that had long stories of pain and sin and some that God got hold of before they walked too far into the darkness. It was sad and beautiful all at once. They fit well with the theme of “Grace” as well. It was a good time of ceremony, listening, and prayer.

Alright now on to what you all came for:

TONE BONE’S OBSERVATIONS ON LIFE:
I had an eclectic small group (Only Dean will get these names, maybe his wife, and any faithful attendants of Christ Church…oh inside jokes…I loved to be apart of one sometime):
- Two young grunts (Dean and I)
- Mafioso (this old guy with a deep booming voice that would make me swoon if babies came out from between my legs…he stated to the group that he spends his days making connections with people and his business life had enabled him to make connections with many men, and not a day goes by when he is not spending time with two or three men having coffee, breakfast, lunch, or dinner making more ties…he sounded like a mobster to me…he connected me with a guy that might be able to offer some wisdom on my problems…)
- Leader (my group leader…nice guy, he did a great job leading us…I called him Space Cadet once to get a laugh out of Dean…which I did…but true to his nature, Dean reprimanded me for it afterwards…oh Dean…)
- Old Timer (there was this guy who had a secret talent of singing old country western songs really well in a nice booming tenor/baritone voice)
- Strong & Silent Type (this one guy just was not very open which hurt my heart

Couple other characters there:
* Larger-than-Life: This guy was the “Mega Mike” of Christ Church. He was loud, said everything with his eyes and mouth wide open, followed by a hearty laugh.
*Val Kilmer: This guy that was only 8 years older than Dean and I, so he was the next youngest there, but the looked like a young, thin-headed Val Kilmer. ‘bout spot on…
*Mr. Huph: The insurance business boss from the Pixar superhero film “The Incredibles”. I thought it was hilarious.

*It was fun to listen to old men talk about their lives and their children and their weaknesses. Men do not often expose the chinks in their armor, so it was nice to see men exposing their tender underbellies. It was fun to see men playing around. After one of the talks or meals I saw Larger-than-Life kick this guy in the butt and he just started laughing. Then the guy turned around and said, “You better quit, before I shit my pants.” And he started chasing Larger-than-Life around. It was pretty hilarious.

*Several men had “Life Verses”; I thought this was an interesting sentiment. I just do not know if I have lived enough life to have one…

*The Ash Clan members are all musicians (one of them sings like he is in Whitesnake when he really “feels” the worship songs and it was really cramping my style)…
They did this awesome “Why Me Lord” cover for a special music

*Turns out that Mafioso, Old Timer, and Papa Ash were really good musicians. Saturday afternoon they did a bunch of old school country western songs, before suck ass Toby Keith or frat-tastic Kenney “I’m so dumb I can never find my t-shirt” Chesney, that were awesome.
They sang this awesome ballad called “Tom Dooley”. You should search for it on Wikipedia. The true life incident it is based on is pretty interesting. You can even find the famous version by The Kingston Trio on Youtube. If you love story songs, you will love this tune.
They were just singing bits and pieces of everything and it was awesome.

*We had this closing ceremony where all the men went around a campfire and he prayed and worshiped and it was pretty cool.

-I thought about singing, "Ring of Fire", but I figured that a love song about girls probably wasn't worship music.

-Dean and I had an intersting conversation about how the hymn medley that the older men broke into (and we...at least I...joined in with). I liked it. Dean thought it wasn't "outsider" friendly. I didn't look at it that way, because I just really like hymns. He had a good point though, about how Christians invite guests to rallies, retreats, camps, spirituals, revivals, etc. and we forget that they are guests, they don't know all the songs that make us wanna sing or feel good about ourselves and our God. They probably feel very uncomfortable when everybody breaks into song all around them. Just something to think about...

-After the Saturday evening talk and the campfire, the men had a "party", standing around talking and eating little smokies, I did not want to talk, so I went and played with the fire. Prayed a little bit, made the fire bigger, put the fire out, sang some songs. Much more enjoyable, for an introvert like me than having conversations with men that I did not really know.

*Dean gave his talk Sunday morning. All the men loved it. "A Kick in the Ass", I think he called it.

*I stood up at the end and told all the men how it was awesome to see older men be vulnerable and authentic with each other. Dean said he just started shaking his head. A lot of the older guys shook my hand and thanked me for saying what I said.

Then volunteered me to get more younger guys to come to future retreats.

hmmm...